5 Things I’ve Learned from Being an Autism Mom
April is Autism Awareness Month, but any special needs mom will tell you that we don’t need a designated month to make us aware of autism. No, the “awareness” is for the rest of the world — the ones who don’t really know what autism is, haven’t heard of it (is that possible?), have misconceptions about it, stereotypes, prejudices, or just don’t give it a second thought. I’d like to ask everyone to give it a second thought now as the month draws to a close.
I didn’t have time for all the posts I had in mind to write this month. Why? Because I’m too busy being an autism mom to write about being an autism mom. There are so many talented and thoughtful bloggers out there already writing on this subject. I’ve laughed, cried, and nodded my head right along with their stories. I’ve found new insight and commiseration amongst them. It’s left me wondering if I could possibly have anything to add. I would like to share a few thoughts on the topic before the month ends, though, because Lil Sis only has one mom and that’s me.
Having a daughter on the spectrum has taught me . . .
To listen with compassion ~ sometimes people just need a sympathetic ear, not a bunch of platitudes or advice that doesn’t really apply to their situation.
To offer helpful suggestions when warranted ~ this is the flipside of the previous statement. Sometimes sharing knowledge that has worked for you can save others from the same frustrations. Every special needs mom has something valuable to add to the conversation. This has been tough for me because I’m naturally an introvert.
To reserve my judgments of other people ~ you never know what they might be struggling with in their lives. I know that some of Lil Sis’ meltdowns might look like the temper tantrums of a spoiled child to those who don’t know the sensory issues and communication difficulties behind them.
To lean on God’s wisdom, not my own ~ from my perspective, a lot of what we’ve been through and what my daughter faces just doesn’t make sense. When I look at things from my own limited understanding, it can be overwhelming. When I look at things from an eternal perspective in the light of God’s plan for each and every one of us, I see the lessons and the growth taking place in our whole family because of Lil Sis.
To love unconditionally ~ I thought I knew what it meant to be a mom and love fiercely and unconditionally before my babies were even born. Lil Sis has shown me that love doesn’t have to look like what I expect it to. When I tuck her in at night and say “I love you,” she doesn’t say it back to me the way her sisters do. I know she feels it, though. I know because she hugs me spontaneously throughout the day when we’re playing or reading together. I know because “Mama” was the first intelligible word she ever spoke when she was three years old. I’m the first person she ever called by name. I believe if I lavish her with unconditional love, she knows it and responds to it in her own way.
I could write a book about our experience with autism. Maybe someday I will. For now, let me say that Lil Sis is as much a precious individual as our neurotypical daughters, with her own likes and dislikes, strengths and foibles. We don’t daily define her by autism, nor do we let autism define her potential as a cherished child of God.
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Thank you so much for writing such an honest post. As a mum to an autistic son I can really relate. Some of the things I am still learning but know with God’s help we can all be great parents to our unique blessings and nurture them into who they were created to be.
Thank you for the nice comment. God bless you as you raise your son.
Thank you for sharing your heart! I know that personally I’ve grown so much in my understanding of autism because of YOU! I appreciate you!!
Thanks, Davene. You are always an encouragement to me!
Beautiful post! Thank-you for sharing. You are very right about sharing – those of us with children on the Autism spectrum learn a lot through our children but don’t always get to share it because we’re busy being parents of a child on the Autism spectrum!
Thanks, Emilee. It’s always good to hear from someone who is also on this journey so we can help support each other.
I love this post so much, Sara! Thank you for sharing it with me. I’m linking to it (and your others) in my upcoming series.
Thank you, Candace! I hope it encourages other moms, too.
Thank you for writing this. I am mom to 1 bio son with autism/MR/bipolar disorder, and stepmom to 2 who are diagnosed asperger’s and adhd., all 3 at home here, and the oldest 2 are boys ages 13, youngest age 11 and girl. Life is definitely interesting here. We HAVE to lean on God to wade through the daily things, from assisting in dressing in the morning to following routines and occasional meltdowns before school, issues during school, after school helpers, occasional issues that require help from law enforcement (when one or the other of the boys decides it’s heavy duty meltdown time and gets violent with us beyond what we can safely handle alone), and so on. There are many good days, and the off days are way off. Without God, there’s no way we’d make it!
It sounds like you have a lot to deal with and have learned to rely on your faith. One day at a time, right? I’ll keep you in my prayers. Thank you for stopping by!